Focused Business Action

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Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

Last month the ADD Book Cub read the book, Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life, by Marshall Rosenberg . Sometimes described as “a language of the heart,” Non-Violent Communication helps people to connect compassionately with themselves and one another moment-to-moment and to identify what we or others could do to make life more wonderful.

I am reminded of an experience I had last year when I was hired to do a Non-Violent Communication training at a staff retreat for a Minneapolis non-profit. I was excited because it was good money and a healthy stretch for me as a workshop leader. Then, due to a last minute directive from the Executive Director, I was “unhired”. This was not only a surprise to me. It was also a surprise for the committee planning the staff retreat, which was not informed of the decision until after alternate plans had been arranged. It’s a bit ironic that all this miscommunication happened over a communication workshop. It was a big mess for awhile and in the end we worked it out. I’m pleased to share that I did use Non-Violent Communication to help the process along.

What was really interesting was how some friends and relatives were with me through this experience. Actually, my experience was that they weren’t with me at all. Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?

I shared this story with one friend who couldn’t understand how they could unhire me. She kept asking me questions about what they were going to do instead and how they could do this when we already had an agreement. I just wanted some empathy for my disappointment, and instead she asked questions so she could to understand.

I called a relative who got really pissed. They can’t do this to you. That’s not right. They should pay for the time you’ve already put into this. This was great sympathy, but not what I wanted at the time. I wasn’t looking for someone to commiserate with and to share how wrong these people were. I was wishing to be met so I could move beyond the upset.

Then, her husband got on the phone and and proceeded to give me advice. He told me to tell them that I was going to call my lawyer. Well-meaning, and again, not what I was looking for.

The bottom line: I want people in my life who are present to what is going on for me in the moment. If someone isn’t being with me in the moment in a way I most enjoy, I can either ask for what I want or call someone else. In upcoming posts I’ll share some simple ways to get others “over here” with you.

In the meantime, what comes up for you after reading this? Who in your life would you like to be more present with you?

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