Focused Business Action

In my last post on Are You Over There?, I talked about how it is sometimes hard to get “over there” when others might have a different view then you do. Here are some suggestions to maintain a connection:

• Maintain eye contact with the speaker. This is not the be all and end all, and it is a great start to getting connected with the person across from you.
• Just ask questions. Try this exercise as you engage in conversation: do not allow yourself to make any declarative statements. Asking questions keep you over there with the other person. This can be a lot harder than you think. (Actually, if you’re thinking in your own head, you’re not really being “over there”.) Notice how eager you are to jump in with your thoughts. That’s OK. This is a new skill you are developing here. We often want to leap in with suggestions, stories about our own experience, or quotes from a book. By the way, no cheating. Asking leading questions, such as “Have you considered trying…?”,  still has some focus on you
• Voice mirroring – Remember when you were a kid and you used to bug your brother by repeating everything he said? Voice mirroring is just like that. You say the speaker’s words as they come out of their mouth. But, you do it inside your head, rather than out loud. Voice Mirroring brings your focus to the words the other person is saying rather than anything going on in your head. Next time you’re in a conversation, try this for a sentence or two, and see how effective this strategy can be.
• Reflect back what you hear being said when there is a natural pause. If you hold the intention to do this, you will have no choice but to listen. Some people like to hear their exact words being said back to them. Others enjoy hearing their words paraphrased. One option is to ask: “Are you feeling [fill in blank] because you are needing [fill in blank]?

I wonder what tips you have for getting “over there”. Let me know if you have any juicy ones to share.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 13th, 2008 by Scott Lewis and is filed under Relationships. You can follow the comments to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment or trackback from your own site.