4 Tips for Get Connected
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In my last post on The Gift of Your Presence, I talked about how it is sometimes hard for others to get “over here” with you. Here are some suggestions to help others connect with you:
- Make a positive request. Ask for what you do want, rather than what you don’t want. Suppose a woman says to her husband, “I want you to work less.” So, what does her husband do? Without the positive request he spends less time at work and more time on the golf course.
- Be clear and concrete about what you are really wanting. The same woman then says to her husband, “I want you to spend more time at home.” So, he spends more time at home…watching football and tinkering in the garage. You might now guess that what she really wanted was for him to spend more time with her. A clear and concrete request might be: “Would you go out to dinner and a movie with me every Thursday night?”
- Check in with your listener by using a connecting request. In our example, the wife might share that she’s sad because her need for fun and play is not being met with her husband. She might then say, “Would you tell me back what you heard me say?” That way she knows that her husband is hearing what she was intending.
- Keep the lines of communication open when you are sharing something potentially volatile by using another type of connecting request, “What comes up for you when you hear me say that?”
I wonder what tips you have for helping others to connect with you. Let me know if you have any juicy ones to share.
